There is a mental state
I strive to achieve a homeostatic state a humming a lull like those alpha wave tapes they sold in the 60's
I need to hear that in my head all day. Instead of the clanging of my thoughts and the clashing of my
wants versus what I should do need to do and the sad, bright violins from "Sunshine" so melancholy
so consistent that remind me how it is not to have anyone understand
I strapped my patch on today and immediately my mind started playing tricks on me. Making me think I'm dizzy or nauseous. I sat there staring at it for minutes before I put it on. Like... I hate this thing and I hate the idea of all this synthetic crap coarsing through my veins. But... must do what I must do.
I went to Li'l Vic's birthday party last night. It was really nice. I felt fabulous. Yesterday was just a fabulous day for me. I'm glad I didn't stay home.
I'm really lonely tonight. I feel like I'm just on a planet by myself. I've run out of people to talk to...but a phone full of numbers to call.
