There is a mental state
I strive to achieve a homeostatic state a humming a lull like those alpha wave tapes they sold in the 60's
I need to hear that in my head all day. Instead of the clanging of my thoughts and the clashing of my
wants versus what I should do need to do and the sad, bright violins from "Sunshine" so melancholy
so consistent that remind me how it is not to have anyone understand
2 days till my bday. I'm not feeling crazy about it... like I thought I was. I straight up missed the one year anniversary of my blog on Sept 13th because I was just stressing about 30. But the closer it comes... the less crazy I feel about it. I don't feel any older or younger. I'm just here. I'm not under any false impressions about what will happen like last year. I'm just looking forward to the adventures of next year. What the world will open up to me. What new things I'll experience and how my life will change. That is the one thing that I was right about last year. My whole life is going to change.
