There is a mental state
I strive to achieve a homeostatic state a humming a lull like those alpha wave tapes they sold in the 60's
I need to hear that in my head all day. Instead of the clanging of my thoughts and the clashing of my
wants versus what I should do need to do and the sad, bright violins from "Sunshine" so melancholy
so consistent that remind me how it is not to have anyone understand
I don't have any real anything to say today. I'm kind of floating through. I took my chapter picture today. I felt especially pretty. My hair is really doing this long thing and my skin finally calmed down enough for me to put some make up on it. And the outfit was flattering. For the first time in a while I looked in the mirror and was pleased. I even lost a little more weight. My body feels good.
Six Feet Under was really good tonight. It was riveting and totally made up for that horrid train wreck that they had earlier this season. I realize that I have to catch up on some of the older shows. I stopped watching around season 2 or 3 and there are definitely pieces I'm missing. Lost in Translation is on now. Another favorite. It's such a quiet calming movie. I enjoy having it on. I'm really mellow today. I don't know why. I hope it's not some calm before the storm stuff.
I was supposed to go to Dale's house today after the picture, but I forgot that my baby had practice. He's so good. He stayed while we took the picture and even took a few with my digital camera, and then drove me home. He's so good. I'm convinced I had to do something really right in a previous life. Again... I was listening to lyrics when I had Jill on. In "Can't Explain" she talks about someone she wronged... and how karma is real and she had paid her price for hurting that person, but now she's loving someone righteously, and how good that feels. I definitely see that now. I just thought maybe I had stumbled across some bad men. I deserved and learned through what I went through. I'm beginning to be a peace with it.
More lessons to be learned. I guess I'll sleep and prepare for them.
