There is a mental state
I strive to achieve a homeostatic state a humming a lull like those alpha wave tapes they sold in the 60's
I need to hear that in my head all day. Instead of the clanging of my thoughts and the clashing of my
wants versus what I should do need to do and the sad, bright violins from "Sunshine" so melancholy
so consistent that remind me how it is not to have anyone understand
Here I am. The night before I have to turn my borrowed soul back to those undertakers. And all they'll do is lock it up and torture me through the bars with me helpless to save myself. I am really bummed about going back to work.
Mostly because I was just getting into this very relaxed mode... enjoying waking when I pleased and not having to rush ANYWHERE. It was a good feeling to be on my own timeline. It felt really good. *sigh* But not any longer. I look at the time and think I must rush myself to bed to be ready for whatever the day will bring me tomorrow. Much I'm sure. Much aggravation... annoyance... etc.
I'm sitting here doing the last bits of me dominated work... (Brown skin just came on... *sigh*)... and I'm enjoying the last bits of not really thinking about that God Forsaken hell hole. I can look forward to getting to my autographed Jill CD... that's always a plus. I'm just so surly now cause my little friend is here and that annoys me to no end.
I got a chance to talk to my Nininne and see that Frances hasn't gotten the best of her neighborhood. Ceptin' that the high winds knocked down her Mango tree. But she said she propped it back up. I guess we'll have to see. I'm really glad that her life is easing down there. I miss her terribly though. Found this earier this morning when I was rifiling through mom's stuff...
Did some thorough investigation into my credit score. I have lots of cleaning to do, but it's not hopeless! Which makes me very happy. It's much cleaner than it was. *whew*
Okay... cramps are kicking in... time for bed... *sigh*
