There is a mental state
I strive to achieve a homeostatic state a humming a lull like those alpha wave tapes they sold in the 60's
I need to hear that in my head all day. Instead of the clanging of my thoughts and the clashing of my
wants versus what I should do need to do and the sad, bright violins from "Sunshine" so melancholy
so consistent that remind me how it is not to have anyone understand
she couldn't put a finger on it. what that feeling was that she felt when she talked to him. she wasn't intimidated but maintaining eye contact was so difficult. she'd shy away when he smiled and respond demurely to his questions. it was only a working capacity that he was there and he had to answer to her. the business demeanor had to be maintained. but there was something about him. she couldn't quite figure it out. had it been that long since she felt this kind of feeling. maybe since her school years has she had to supress the inclination to giggle uncontrollably at something as simple as a glance back at her. but here, today, she found that happening. is that what it was? a crush? at this age. impossible. but then she knew... once he laid back and his locks were strewn about the couch... something about the density of his thighs and the angle of his body made her realize. she had been in this place before, knowing him this way. in her thoughts she had laid next to him and exhaled a tantric breath. she'd walked in gardens with dresses flowing, barefooted in the grass humming to holding his hand. she'd sat between his legs faced away, while he strummed his fingers in her hair and they watched the rain. she'd been in that place. and just like that, she'd crossed paths with him again, but in this lifetime, it just wasn't the same.
