There is a mental state
I strive to achieve a homeostatic state a humming a lull like those alpha wave tapes they sold in the 60's
I need to hear that in my head all day. Instead of the clanging of my thoughts and the clashing of my
wants versus what I should do need to do and the sad, bright violins from "Sunshine" so melancholy
so consistent that remind me how it is not to have anyone understand
Today I seemed to dwell on what things used to be like and is it me who is different now, or is it the acutal things that are different. My baby and I were talking on the way home and saying how we remember how Twinkies used to be when we were kids. Thee was something distinctive about the sweetness of the cake and how you could feel and taste little granules of sugar in the filling. But now it's all artificial tasting... the cake isn't quite as moist and wonderful. Could it be my taste buds or has the actual product changed? It's hard to tell. I got home tonight and an old movie I used to be FIXATED (I cannot mean that more) on was on (it's actually still on as I'm typing this). The Boy Who Could Fly. And I'm figuring I had to be REALLY young to find this interesting. None the less, with all of the obvious just dumb stuff in it, I'm still watching. Cause there's a 12 or 13 year old sitting in my heart just loving this up. Is it me who's gotten too old and too cool to admit to having watched this movie? Or was it always corny? I guess I'll never really know. There will be a whole generation of kids who grow up thinking that polymanufactured crap they call twinkies is the best thing the world. *shrugs*
