There is a mental state
I strive to achieve a homeostatic state a humming a lull like those alpha wave tapes they sold in the 60's
I need to hear that in my head all day. Instead of the clanging of my thoughts and the clashing of my
wants versus what I should do need to do and the sad, bright violins from "Sunshine" so melancholy
so consistent that remind me how it is not to have anyone understand
Today was a simply BEAUTIFUL day. The sky was SO blue. I find myself comparing the blueness of the sky to how blue it was on 9/11/01. I remember waking up and thinking the sky was inexplicably blue. What a ghastly day... for such PERFECT sky and weather. But what today's blue was also phenomenal for was a day in the park listening to (and taking pictures of) life music. I sincerely feel like I've missed my calling. I simply love music too much not to be a part of it. But I'm only observing it; trying hard to translate it into web for folks to digest.
But the sky was wonderful, and the trees were showing off the last bits of their green. I passed some trees yesterday in my neighborhood who brought the signs of fall coming closer with browned rims to leaves and weak stems creating a snow of them. But the trees and the grass in this park were in full summer style and the half moon couldn't help but be a part of this daytime scenery casting it's laser cut impression on the midday sky.
In watching live musicians today I just really remember what it was like to be part of the band making the music and how amazing the music itself would make us feel. Then I was kind of jolted by the harsh reality of most musicians today... as the keyboardist from one group came off the stage and I stood back stage to get a photo-op, I began to express to him how amazing his skill was and I caught a glimpse of how red his eyes were and how spaced out he looked. I cut my compliments short and later on while wandering backstage, the odor of ganja and cheap bodega incence permeated the area. I figured maybe they were all high. Somehow, I feel like one high may cancel the other out. I'd rather feel the music with no chaser.
I also got an opportunity to watch india.arie perform live and up close. She was wonderful. It was exciting enough for me to offer up a silent, familiar prayer that I'm in the line of work that I'm in and it happened to get me closer to this industry. I think I wouldn't enjoy being a regular old webmaster who's just designing all day and never really interacting with music and people. It's fun. It's me. Anyway, she didn't perform "Beautiful" which I had hoped she would, she did perform "Brown Skin" which never ceases to call one memory to mind. One of a sunfilled Saturday bedroom laying in the arms of a lover. Music playing on the cd player and no particular rush moving us out of our position. And as we begin our movements again, that song comes on and a mutual realization that she was talking about us came to us at the same time. "Brown skin... talkin' bout your brown skin... I can't tell where yours begins... I can't tell where mine ends..." But I looked and really saw that in that light at that time our skin was exactly the same color... and for no reason at all, it heightened everything I felt. Not to love, but to whatever is shortly before love... it's nice when I start to think of it. And then I remember it's totally the past. But the memory, although the future of that stunted, was a good one.
My bed is looking extra good to me tonight. I think I'll indulge.
morethought tomorrow.
