There is a mental state
I strive to achieve a homeostatic state a humming a lull like those alpha wave tapes they sold in the 60's
I need to hear that in my head all day. Instead of the clanging of my thoughts and the clashing of my
wants versus what I should do need to do and the sad, bright violins from "Sunshine" so melancholy
so consistent that remind me how it is not to have anyone understand
Yo... I'm sitting here listening to a preview of Jill's new album... and I'm INSTANTLY in love with it. She hasn't lost her touch at all. And so perfectly embodies so many thoughts and feelings so effortlessly. She does it with the savvy of a mother where as Maxwell does it with the stupor of someone in love. He doesn't always make sense if you put it on paper... but when he sings it, you heart understands. Jill just says it straight... things that sometimes we may be afraid to voice but we're glad when she decides to put it into words for us. In one song she has me singing about past loves... in the next she has me serenading my baby. It's crazed the dicotomy she can span. But I'm glad that she does. I realize that the feeling from songs of the past... were evoked by the songs themselves and I just tied in the moment to those songs. Her songs today are making me feel like I did in 2000 and 2001. But I'm not mentally, physically or emotionally there anymore. But the feelings are there. The good, alive spirited feelings. Nice to know I can feel that way again.
I spoke to Sug yesterday. I squealed when I recognized who was calling me. I miss her already. But she has ascended off to school. She loves it, and I think she may have met her match with folks who can party harder than she can. LMAO! I'm comforted to know that she's alright, though. I was worried. But everything fell into place right in time for her to go. Just like the Lord had planned. I'm glad she's away from the day to day craziness here.
My girl Max is going through it right now. She lost her cousin to the stupidity and single track mindedness of our people lately. Lick shots and bling bling. He was shot in the foot by another black man who had beef. It's unclear if the beef was even with her cousin. But I guess now... it may not even matter. He's passed on and now she's condemned to having to mourn with her family. I know all things have meaning and some things are harder than others to derive meaning from. But I hope that Max sees the meaning sooner than later. She just got to being happy again and not so troubled with the end of life.
