There is a mental state
I strive to achieve a homeostatic state a humming a lull like those alpha wave tapes they sold in the 60's
I need to hear that in my head all day. Instead of the clanging of my thoughts and the clashing of my
wants versus what I should do need to do and the sad, bright violins from "Sunshine" so melancholy
so consistent that remind me how it is not to have anyone understand
I'm surly this morning because I didn't get a good nights sleep last night. I had finally drifted off to sleep. I believe I may have even started to dream... when the phone rang at 2:36AM. I thought it strange but I picked up the phone and heard mom on the phone in her room sayin, "Hello? Hello?" And the voice on the other side saying at the top of his voice and sounding very aggravated "I WANNA F*** YOUR DAUGHTER IN THE A**!!!" I didn't have to hear it more than once. I firmly told mom to hang up the phone (the little kid in me still doesn't want my mom to hear me or anyone else cursing). When she did I said to this "person": "Listen here, M****rf****r get off my f***ing phone or I will find you and kill you. Dont call this number again!!" And I hung up. A few seconds went by before they called back. Again I picked up the phone and heard mom struggling to understand what this person was trying to say to her. But he was spewing more of the same offering to to f*** not ony the daughter but the mother as well in the rear. Attempting to keep my mom sheltered from my brewing onslaught... I told mom to hang up and once she did I said: "Listen, a**hole... Are you listening? I work for the FBI. Your number did not come through blocked. I will use it to fnd you and destroy your life and the lives of those around you. Don't call here again if you want to live." And I hung up. And that was the end of that. And I laid back in bed and thought... "God... I AM my brother's Sister." Only he would say some crap like that. And how could I drum that up at 2:36 in the morning after having beeen asleep for a good 2 hours AT LEAST. Crazy. But domi would totally say some crap like that!! hahahaha!!!!
For a split second, I got nervous because what if it really was someone wanting to do me or mom harm. I don't think I have enemies like that out there. I'd like to believe that I don't. But then... as evidenced by last night's episode of Six Feet Under... I guess you don't need someone to hate on you to want to do you wrong. You could just be rolling by.
