There is a mental state
I strive to achieve a homeostatic state a humming a lull like those alpha wave tapes they sold in the 60's
I need to hear that in my head all day. Instead of the clanging of my thoughts and the clashing of my
wants versus what I should do need to do and the sad, bright violins from "Sunshine" so melancholy
so consistent that remind me how it is not to have anyone understand
Okay... today didn't turn out half bad. I went to see that new movie I, Robot. Wasn't half bad. Very Independance Day. But then again, it seems like most of what Will Smith does these days is along those lines. But it wasn't bad.
I'm sitting here watching Amelie. Yet another one of life's pleasures that I feel that no one will truly understand the way I do. I know Max and Sug like the movie quite a bit. But thefirst time I saw it, I was sitting here at this desk, on the verge of tears, feeling the dam that had been built by the drugs in the birth control pills I was taking starting to give way to the horrid sadness I was feeling for months. And for the first time in a very long time, contemplating not living. And this movie came on. And I don't know if it was the lulling tones of true French being spoken, or the wonderfully optimistic nature of the movie itself, but after watching it, I felt completely rejuvenated and that maybe life wasn't so bad. The only thing that saddened me was at the end when she's riding on that bike with the love of her life and how alive they looked like they were feeling. I thought I'd never feel that again. But luckily... I have, and I do. Funny how life changes.
