There is a mental state
I strive to achieve a homeostatic state a humming a lull like those alpha wave tapes they sold in the 60's
I need to hear that in my head all day. Instead of the clanging of my thoughts and the clashing of my
wants versus what I should do need to do and the sad, bright violins from "Sunshine" so melancholy
so consistent that remind me how it is not to have anyone understand
Powered by my libido, apparently. Lately I feel like I'm this oversexed crazy person just bubbling underneath the facade of a calm collected unaffected female. But really... it's raging. This dream was pretty bizarre and again, not altogether feeling like a dream, but maybe a memory. I felt like I was in Florida. The house's set up reminded me of the ranch housing down there. And I was in a dimly lit living room with some man... faceless (which is rare that I think that way... I usually have faces on my dreams). But I knew this mans voice. Persuasive voice. Constantly taking time to convince me of something. And at this point in my dream, he was convincing me that we needed to get busy. So I look down at my body in the dream and I'm very milky colored... not dark at all. I dare say white... but I could NOT possibly be. (*snickering... perhaps it's my inner self coming out*) and BUXOM. Good grief. And this man was reaching for them... Giving them all sorts of attention. And I could feel the arousal through the dream. But there was a sense of something else there. The sense that he and I were NOT supposed to be there. That what we were doing and where we were about to do it were wrong and we could get caught. At that point I saw a shadow go across the window of the front door and I panicked and expressed it to him. By this time I'm standing there completely naked and our minds are racing to think... where could we hide me. "My wife will see you...hold on... get under here..." And he showed me a long thin table behind the couch in the living room. So I scooted underneath and he covered my feet with magazines and other stuff just sitting around in the room. So I lay there listening to hear what's going on... and he comes back and tells me it was just a delivery... So I stand up and the anticipation of what we want to do now is heightened even more. He's saying all sorts of things to me to get me riled up... and all I can think to myself is, "I can't wait!".
Okay... more in a minute...I'm running to this meeting
*
Alright... I'm back... that was a quick meeting. Okay... so like... I can't WAIT for the main event. I just want that feeling so bad that I can't really focus on anything else. The main entrance to the living room is parted with a thin sheath of fabric... like a veil or thin curtain. And through it you can see the goings on in the adjacent rooms of the house. All of the sudden... there was light in the next room and here come children... rushing into the room... to love up on their dad. Small children, couldn't be more than 3 or 4 years old. And I, horrified, try concealing myself and my body, wondering where can I go and hide because where children are, mother is not far behind. And one of the babies looks over in my direction with the look on his face like... "who is she...she's not mommy..." My mystery man rushes me out to the back of the house where there is a pool and tells me to hide in there till the coast is clear. So I slide into the pool... and he hands me a straw. I play the corner of the pool closest to the house and I wait. The dream ends with a 3rd person view of me (not looking like myself at all) in this pool, sinking in the corner to the bottom, while homeboy is inside playing with his kids.
Crazed. I have NO idea what I must have eaten last night before sleeping. But I have to figure it out to never have it again. I'm bugging out because if my dreams are just a peek into my alternate self... my dream self, she needs to stop messin' around. That's an ugly path and not really worth ANYTHING. I hope she becomes enlightened and doesn't end up drowning.
