There is a mental state
I strive to achieve a homeostatic state a humming a lull like those alpha wave tapes they sold in the 60's
I need to hear that in my head all day. Instead of the clanging of my thoughts and the clashing of my
wants versus what I should do need to do and the sad, bright violins from "Sunshine" so melancholy
so consistent that remind me how it is not to have anyone understand
Today was quite busy... but I managed to make it through for the most part. Seems that one of the on air personalities has taken a bit of a liking to me... Not a bad looking guy, really tall and I imagine if I was single... there'd be some possiblities. But I'm not. Nor am I sad at the fact that I'm not. It's just interesting to examine. Strange that all this attention and praise he's lavishing on me is so sudden. Almost as suddenly as I decided to stop being so frumpy and make every day a pretty one. Almost every day since I made the change, he's found some way to compliment me and get close to me... whether it's to kiss me on the cheek or to hug me. According to kdot and Dom I blind sided him. But I'm sure he's just flirting. It's what he does best. Besides being funny.
Today I walked in there and asked him if he got the pictures he requested I send to him via email (the files were unusually large for pictures). He hugged me and held me for a while... "yeah... I got the pictures." And I said... "because I was afraid that they'd be too heavy and wouldn't come through on the email." His response: "I like heavy. Heavy is my thing." All the while holding me in his hug. And there was weird silence and pause in time... and I followed with "You're crazy!... Alright everyone ... see you tomorrow." And I exited as soon as I could. Not exactly sure if I should be flattered (heavy = thick and he could handle a woman with some meat on her bones) or insulted (heavy = heiffer) It was strange... yet enjoyable that someone would pay me attention. Makes me feel that my worth hasn't diminished since being with my baby and that he does still actually have something to hold on to... that's worth holding on to. Well, I quickly learned that he knows my worth... when I went back to my desk and called him to tell him. As my closest friends would say... "Why in god's name did you do that???" Well... simply put by my basal instincts... I needed to feel him be jealous and want to "fight" for me albeit verbally. And he did. But I think that's enough of that. Getting my baby mad and not hedging these advances. It will come to an end... but I enjoyed the attention while it lasted. Nice to know that my baby's still got what's hot ... at least to some :)
