There is a mental state
I strive to achieve a homeostatic state a humming a lull like those alpha wave tapes they sold in the 60's
I need to hear that in my head all day. Instead of the clanging of my thoughts and the clashing of my
wants versus what I should do need to do and the sad, bright violins from "Sunshine" so melancholy
so consistent that remind me how it is not to have anyone understand
today was a whirlwind of emotions. I woke up feeling strange. I had more crazy dreams last night. First dream I dreamt that the house in the hamptons that we're going to have this party at was in the Himalayas and we had to trek (I mean TREK) up there, railroads and mules and the whole nine. Nice house though... in the dream. But that wasn't even the trek for the party. Just to go set up for it. Strange. Then I had a separate dream that I got a phone call from Cary... or maybe in the dream I placed the call. And we were just like we'd been in the past. Quick, funny, happy to hear from each other. But he cut the convo short (as he always did) and it made me so mad... I just woke up. So feeling all weird I went about my daily trials and accomplished plenty (finished 2 websites this weekend yippeee!!!). Hung out with my brother who always makes me feel better. I was starting to feel a little lonely. All my friends have moved on. I've complained about this before. They are married off; they have kids; their careers are all consuming... No time to catch up with old friends anymore. But as always, my brother ofered his eternal time and attention. I love him. I'm so glad he is around. Then later on my baby came and spent a little time with me, which was sweet.
I had the best memory about him today. In his apt, there is this balcony that has western exposure... so the sun rises right in that window. I had been sleeping in that morning (sunday) and he must have gotten up to run around and get his day started. Out of my slumber I begin hearing music....
Your browser doesn't support the EMBED tag, but you can still listen to the music on this page by <a href="http://www.thoughtsdaughter.com/sounds/goldenlady.mp3">clicking here.</a>
And he comes into the room and sits quietly next to me just stroking my hair and kissing my face. The sun was so bright that day... and I was so at peace.
