There is a mental state
I strive to achieve a homeostatic state a humming a lull like those alpha wave tapes they sold in the 60's
I need to hear that in my head all day. Instead of the clanging of my thoughts and the clashing of my
wants versus what I should do need to do and the sad, bright violins from "Sunshine" so melancholy
so consistent that remind me how it is not to have anyone understand
So I had another really lucid kind of crazy one. I dreamt I was away at some hotel. It look cavernous like the Grand Opry... but like the other side of the building where they were still building when I went down there in 99. And I'm wandering about the halls with my baby. Or I think it was him. His presence was felt. And there was an air of deception going on. Something was being done and I was being lied to about it. At one point there was chatter of some kind of drug being used... it was liquid something... pending on how you injected it, it gave a different response. It could be like crack... heroine or cocaine. (why me of all people is dreaming about this is WAY beyond me). Anyways. We come upon this room ... and something isn't right about the room. So I fling open the suite doors and there is a SEA of men. Mostly my baby's frat bros (strangely, all the ones I don't like or don't trust)... standing around in this room... like a conference just broke out and they were discussing the goings on from the meeting. But simultaneously shooting up this drug from analagous looking syringes... clear and blue with an unusually short needle. But they all had one in hand. Every single one of them. And for some strange reason I remember feeling betrayed and upset.
VERY strange dream. I woke up feeling uncomfortable and disappointed. But I can't for the life of me figure any of it out. I guess I shouldn't try. Maybe it'll come to me tomorrow.
My aunt is here from out of town. And she's wreaking havoc on me. I'm just trying to take it in stride.
