There is a mental state
I strive to achieve a homeostatic state a humming a lull like those alpha wave tapes they sold in the 60's
I need to hear that in my head all day. Instead of the clanging of my thoughts and the clashing of my
wants versus what I should do need to do and the sad, bright violins from "Sunshine" so melancholy
so consistent that remind me how it is not to have anyone understand
It's a beautiful Sunday morning and I'm up early (9:00) so I can get dressed and head to meet my baby over at LIU. But of course, before I completely forget... I had a series of dreams that I wanted to write down.
The first dream... I was back in school. At a university with cavernous halls and ceilings that reached up to the sky. And it felt so amazingly good to be studying again. I was getting great grades and really making something of my self... in theory. I loved school. Everyone had so much "potential" there. Something you just plum don't have in the "real world" of corporate America. The slogan for this establishment should be "You've Reached Your Potential. Give Up". Which is never something I heard when I was in school. There was always so much hope. So much promise that things were destined for me. Anyway... that part of the dream didn't last too long. But I remember tossing in my bed and having a smile.
Next segment of the dream I was walking home in nothing but a white Summer Jam tee (from this year, which are pretty thin)... and it started to rain cats and dogs on my way. So ran the rest of the way home and all around the front door were these guys. Who of course were staring at me... because I was wearing a white teeshirt with nothing underneath and I was soaking wet. I thought to msyself "Please just let me get home unscathed". One of them spoke something to me... whatever it was, it wasn't lude. And then held the door open for me; i'm thinking to probably get a better look. And then the elevator was taking too long to come so I went up the stairs... and he followed me. I tried not to act like I felt like he was trailing me but I sure was scared when I got up the stairs to my apt. And he was coming up the stairs and I fidgeted with my keys nervously. I glanced at him coming up the stairs and really felt the nerves happening. He smiled and said "You live here?" And I breathed a steadying breath "Yes, I do". He said, "Nice to meet you... I'm moving into 264." I looked behind me in the hallway and there were all the signs of moving stuff... furniture wrapped with quilting and the door to 264 was wide open and wind was whistling through the apt. I said to him "Oh wow... I didn't know the last neighbors moved out." "Did you know them?" he said. "Briefly in passing but they'd been there all my life." I responded. Now I wasn't so nervous. The guy seemed pretty nice... and cute from what I could remember so he invited me in to his apt to sit and talk. I gestured that I should put some clothes on and he went in and handed me a huge bath towel, "I don't want you to disappear and not come back." So we sat on the floor in what would be his living room and talked for what seemed like hours. I felt very at home. The chemistry between he and I wasn't like the dream I had with the Dr. that I met but there was a definite happy friend thing going on.
Then I had a brief dream that my baby and I were arguing about meeting up today. And he told me to stay home because he didn't want me there. And the creeping feelings of wondering what he's doing that he doesn't want me around seeped in. Anyways... I woke up and called him and he sung into the phone "pretty lady... walking down the street... pretty lady..." and I exhaled a sigh of relief knowing that my waking world is much sweeter than my resting world today.
