There is a mental state
I strive to achieve a homeostatic state a humming a lull like those alpha wave tapes they sold in the 60's
I need to hear that in my head all day. Instead of the clanging of my thoughts and the clashing of my
wants versus what I should do need to do and the sad, bright violins from "Sunshine" so melancholy
so consistent that remind me how it is not to have anyone understand
It was a great success. Many folks came through and a great time was had by all. I can't lie and say I didn't dance a defiance dance in the face of those who expected it to be so bad. They WANTED it to fail... but it did well, with a little love and nurturing by D, LV & yours truly. The word on the street the next day was "Yooo... I heard y'all's party was the BOMB!!!" Nice to hear. If I could change anything, I would have had the dj play cleaner versions of stuff. He was on some shit-mutherfuckin-fuck-shit vibe. I could feel my older Sorors CRINGING. It's okay. They had fun!
WW today and I weighed in, with eyes closed, afraid to face the music I'd played all week. I lost 3 lbs. Which felt good to hear... but are we still playing with that 3 lbs that I gained last week? Overall though I lost 4.6... almost 5. Feels good to say that I lost at all. I'm excited about losing more. And I love that I'm WAY more mindful about what I eat now, when I eat and in what quantities. It's a new world to be accountable for what I eat.
I'm playing around on Emode right now seeing what I can get as far as folks to browse me. So far, no one is biting... but that's okay. I'm really just doing it to test a couple of things: 1) If I've still got it (after being a member for 2 days and 0 browses... I'm thinking I don't got it & 2) to give some realistic stats to my brother about how these things work. The whole world is seeking someone, and no one can seem to find the "right one". I wonder what exactly their looking for. I wasn't looking.
