There is a mental state
I strive to achieve a homeostatic state a humming a lull like those alpha wave tapes they sold in the 60's
I need to hear that in my head all day. Instead of the clanging of my thoughts and the clashing of my
wants versus what I should do need to do and the sad, bright violins from "Sunshine" so melancholy
so consistent that remind me how it is not to have anyone understand
I'm listening to the old song by "Heart" - These Dreams. I love this song. I'll always feel like I'm 13 when I hear this song. And it's not a bad feeling at all. Appropo that I'm listening to it as I close out my day.
Today was relaxing and productive at the same time. Started out a bit frustrating because the cable was acting like a punk biatch. It was in and out, but I think it finally stabalized. They said they were doing some work in this area. So I hope it's over. I panicked!!! LMAO... that just tells me how much I depend on this connection. Then I started work on the Othay website. I'm actually very proud of myself. It's quite pretty :). So I'll put the finishing touches on that tomorrow and begin the NM site. (which I already feel is going to be significantly less impressive, just because of the lack of information I have on that chapter... but Hey... oh well). I actually rested AND I stayed under my food points. Which is great!
Today was a good reflective day. I was walking around and I thought to myself about something I was saying to W. About how when I reach 165 (my goal) that I'll have to beat them off with a stick. But I was thinking... what if I don't. What if I get to 165 and no one notices? I have to find intrinsic motivation. Waiting for cats to beat the doors down is just setting myself up for failure. I want to be healthy. I want to feel spry and flexible and able to keep up with anything. And feel rested when I sleep and not out of breath when I walk up the stairs. Just in good shape. For me. Not for another soul. F' the cats that would beat down the doors. I got mines.
