There is a mental state
I strive to achieve a homeostatic state a humming a lull like those alpha wave tapes they sold in the 60's
I need to hear that in my head all day. Instead of the clanging of my thoughts and the clashing of my
wants versus what I should do need to do and the sad, bright violins from "Sunshine" so melancholy
so consistent that remind me how it is not to have anyone understand
Cliches
abound
about the ditch I've been digging
and how I'll dig myself out
and I think... or deeper
and the woe that I wallow in
isn't welcome
but it's warm and feels good
at my pity party
and I talk bad about everyone
in attendance.
to their face, no less.
and i can feel the attention slipping
from my eyes as I
yes to death
the positive affirmations
that are flung my way
the truth is that
the comforts I seek
are not in cliches
... they're talking about sending daddy to chemo. seems that whatever cancer we thought he licked a few years ago, has made a resurgence. I can't say I really know how to process it all. I'm numb really. Numb and scared.
But you know... I gotta keep my head up and stay positive and look on the bright side and keep my eyes on the prize and things will get better and things could be worse and I'm lucky not to suffer like others and everyone goes through trials and it's just temporary and I need to give off only good vibes and eliminate the negative and ... NOT be afraid about losing my dad.
