There is a mental state
I strive to achieve a homeostatic state a humming a lull like those alpha wave tapes they sold in the 60's
I need to hear that in my head all day. Instead of the clanging of my thoughts and the clashing of my
wants versus what I should do need to do and the sad, bright violins from "Sunshine" so melancholy
so consistent that remind me how it is not to have anyone understand
me: this world is crazy.
me: this girl is on the air... and she's trying out for Miss Info's job..
Max: ?
Max: oh lawd
me: so, they're talking about how good she looks and they ask her her height and weight.
me: so she says... I'm 5'7"...
me: and 115 lbs.
Max: what the fuck does that have to do with anything
me: so they're like NAAAAH... you ain't no 115 lbs....
Max: she's on the RADIO
me: so they get her to admit that she's actually 145 lbs.
me: so then they say... "but that 145 is in all the right places"
me: like...
me: it's BAD to be 145...
Max: yeah really
me: what the hell is the world coming to???????
Max: shit that used to be my goal weight
me: I'm like... DYING to be 145 again,.
me: okay???????????????????????????????????????????
Max: my thing is what the fuck does it have to do with anything
Max: we can't see her ass
Max: disgusting
me: i feel like going in there and smacking all of them silly.
Max: they don't ask men questions like that
me: of course not.
me: *sigh*
Max: you should go in and slap them all
me: *sigh*
me: so...
me: at 220.... I must be just unthinkably big.
me: you want to know what the real problem is....
me: and this is the real problem (my personal real problem)
Max: well shit I must be a blimp
me: When I look in the mirror...
me: I don't feel crazy about how I look.
me: I could change a few things...
me: and maybe that would be okay.
me: but I don't think I'm this behemoth...
me: that folks think that I should feel like.
Max: i feel you
me: *sigh*
me: perception is the evil of this world.
Max: yeah and the shit of it is that the perception is completely unrealistic
Max: the average woman looks nothing like the bony hoes they keep shoving at us
Max: It is as if they want to drive the majority of women to look like the slim minority of women
Max: They don't advertise for real women
me: *sigh*
Max: they don't make clothes for them
Max: what the fuck are regular women supposed to do?
me: *sigh*
me: they all want us to be these deprived waif hairless children.
me: and I'm like...
me: NO
me: I'm all woman damnit.
Max: word
Max: fuck that shit
me: *sigh*
