There is a mental state
I strive to achieve a homeostatic state a humming a lull like those alpha wave tapes they sold in the 60's
I need to hear that in my head all day. Instead of the clanging of my thoughts and the clashing of my
wants versus what I should do need to do and the sad, bright violins from "Sunshine" so melancholy
so consistent that remind me how it is not to have anyone understand
We celebrated Sug's birthday last night! I was so excited. She's given me so much hope about turning 30. She's completely changed her life around... she's celebrating it in Brazil... when she comes back she'll be getting ready to leave to live in Switzerland to study culinary arts so she can own her own restaurant. She's so focused!! I'm really proud of her. The pictures from the event are great! I'm in the process of putting together my gallery, so I'll have pictures up later.
I'm running into increasingly more hypocrites lately. People who preach the word of the Lord and then turn around and talk back about each other. People who chastise others for their shortcomings but have too many of their own to be spoken of. Where are these peopel coming from? They're like roaches in the spring or something. But they're coming out of the wood work lately.
My mind has been wandering lately. I thought about the night in college when J.A. and I were supposed to meet up... and then didn't so I called Luis and he didn't want to come through... and ultimately Shawn came through and stayed with me. I got chills when I thought about it. I don't usually feel chills when thinking about ex's at all... but... I've really been worried about him and want to call so badly... but can't. He deserves to heal without my intervention. I hurt him enough. God I hope he's happy somewhere....
DB and I went shopping today... that was fun. I'm really enjoying her company. I feel like we may be on the same level on some things now. Even though... I don't feel like I'll ever really reach her level (she's just so fly with too many things for me to keep up with), our friendship makes me feel at home where I would have felt alienated under any other circumstance. We found a shop that I actually found affordable stuff at AND fits me! I'll be spending a lot of time in 5 Towns.
I went to see the client that looks like Cary again today. Boy... I stared straight at my notebook the whole time. He said... "Victoria, is everything alright?" I was like "Yes sir." Like taking the mold and making it better... but... still not good or right enough. Not for me.
Okay... I'm rambling. I must do this on a more regular basis... thoughts are getting lost...
