There is a mental state
I strive to achieve a homeostatic state a humming a lull like those alpha wave tapes they sold in the 60's
I need to hear that in my head all day. Instead of the clanging of my thoughts and the clashing of my
wants versus what I should do need to do and the sad, bright violins from "Sunshine" so melancholy
so consistent that remind me how it is not to have anyone understand
I've been a lot lately. I'm glad I have this long weekend coming up. I can't say I'd know what to do with myself if I couldn't just lounge for a couple of days.
Valentine's was uneventful. Between chapter meeting and working the CD concert.. I didn't get a chance to be with my baby cakes... miscommunication on our part kept us separate and kept me mad all day But he showed up this morning with 2 dozen beautiful fragrant roses and apologies. Last night he waited out side of the Manhattan center for me from 8:00 - 10:00 because he didn't want me to be mad. Would have worked great if I was there and not at the Beacon *wink*. But I called him and told him to go home. Which he did... and in the morning, he showed up with my roses, my hugs and my love. When it's wrong it's wrong. But when he makes it right... he makes it SO right that I forget what was wrong.
I sat comatose through the concert yesterday mesmerized by the keyboard players. I'm envious. I've never trusted my fingers to ever do the right thing. Piano lessons back in the day was the equivalent of the hunt and peck. But they totally trust their fingers to the right thing. But the practice had to make them perfect. And I've so never been into the discipline that I needed in order to be perfect at it. But I love how the music moves through their bodies...Kind of like Anita Baker but the impetus is the instrument.
I'm trying to do too many things... Lemme work and then I'll blog :)
