There is a mental state
I strive to achieve a homeostatic state a humming a lull like those alpha wave tapes they sold in the 60's
I need to hear that in my head all day. Instead of the clanging of my thoughts and the clashing of my
wants versus what I should do need to do and the sad, bright violins from "Sunshine" so melancholy
so consistent that remind me how it is not to have anyone understand
Okay... so I got promoted at work this weekend! And they bumped me up by 10K! It feels good. For now. I'm still cautious. But I really have been feeling the love from my superiors. I don't even feel threatened by the new cat coming in. He's really good... and I'm happy that he gets HOT instead of me... he's a TRU hiphop fan. Where I love ALL music equally. I have a big meeting with my new boss tomorrow. I didn't prepare like I wanted to, but I'll have to take the day to do it so I can really shine. I actually now have a desire to do that. Shine and prove my worth. we'll see how long that lasts. So my new title is "Brand Manager". Yup... manager status. I'm managing the site. No people, even though I look forward to having a team and stuff... that'll be fun one day.
I went driving on Saturday with my parents in tow. What a humbling and maddening experience. Firstly, when did they get old???? Both of them walk with canes now. And move so slowly. And complain about EVERYTHING. And are the most indecisive people in the world. I love them deeply. But oh my god I was gonna slit my wrists so I didn't have to be there anymore. Craziness. Domi and I decided to buy a house together and we'll all move in and share it for the time being. It will be good for us to do. I just have to get on it. Because I can't live here anymore, mom and dad can't live here anymore and Domi can't live over there anymore. So we might as well pool our resources and live together. I'll pray on that one.
I'm hearing buzz and chatter about this famous superbowl show where Janet outted a titty. But I was watching Sex & The City and really applauding Cary. She and I are paralelled. It's crazy. She's finally over Big. He called and called and called, and she didn't care. Which is sooooo good! And I know exactly how she feels. It feels good and liberated. My heart is free to love. And I'm doing it with all my might!
