There is a mental state
I strive to achieve a homeostatic state a humming a lull like those alpha wave tapes they sold in the 60's
I need to hear that in my head all day. Instead of the clanging of my thoughts and the clashing of my
wants versus what I should do need to do and the sad, bright violins from "Sunshine" so melancholy
so consistent that remind me how it is not to have anyone understand
Well, he's off on the road this weekend and won't be back till Sunday night. Norfolk is the destination this time. And the reason remains the same... a stepshow. I really am going to miss him this weekend. I miss him more and more each time he goes away. I hope he doesn't get in any trouble or any harm. I know he'll be fine... but who would I be if I didn't obsess.
It's obscenely cold today. The weather is now pushing my tolerance and I'd actually like it to get above freezing. My tears freeze on my face (the ones that stream because I'm so cold) and I can feel the thaw happening when I enter warm places soon after. I still love the envigorating feeling of the blood rushing through my body at the first hit of cold.... I wonder if the pain of it is from overstimulation. I just hope it warms up soon.
C stopped by the job yesterday and offered to train me for free. I am taking him up on it. I've given myself till Feb 1st to cease my childish ways. My back is beginning to hurt worse than before. I can't tote around this extra person around my waist... I HAVE to change this. I hope I stay with it. I still hum Clean Heart when I do something positive. I need to be humming it WAY more often.
I'm sleepy and crampy... I think I may lay down and see if my dreams take me.
