There is a mental state
I strive to achieve a homeostatic state a humming a lull like those alpha wave tapes they sold in the 60's
I need to hear that in my head all day. Instead of the clanging of my thoughts and the clashing of my
wants versus what I should do need to do and the sad, bright violins from "Sunshine" so melancholy
so consistent that remind me how it is not to have anyone understand
My brother and I had dinner tonight and he went over the idea of one of my favorite characters of Sex & The City dying from breast cancer. I had never considered it... Because I assumed that there would be a happy ending. But he rationalized "Do you see her growing old and raising grandkids? As powerful a character as she is... she can't ride off into the sunset. She's going to go down fighting." And like a hurt kid all I could say in response was, "but why her?" And he bluntly and bleakly said, "Because bad things happen to good people."
Well, death happens to us all. I'm just vexed by it because there is no forwarding address or phone number. There's no way of reaching them after they've "passed" or "transitioned". Just the emptiness and question upon question upon question about where they are and what they're thinking about and how can you bear to miss them THIS much for the rest of your life?
