There is a mental state
I strive to achieve a homeostatic state a humming a lull like those alpha wave tapes they sold in the 60's
I need to hear that in my head all day. Instead of the clanging of my thoughts and the clashing of my
wants versus what I should do need to do and the sad, bright violins from "Sunshine" so melancholy
so consistent that remind me how it is not to have anyone understand
Okay... another strange dream last night. Not remembering all of it. But I do remember that there was a horrible mudslide in my neighborhood and I was with my father trying to get into the building but we were trying to drive into the building. So we drove the truck down the stairs and into the lobby where my dad told me to get out of the car and he back up and out into the street where there was some horrible accident with a garbage truck that was there to try to move the mud along (kind of like snow). The truck overturned onto my daddy's car and there was just mayhem. He came out okay... but there was mud all over everything. It was a disturbing dream. Everything was so dreary like a rainy afternoon that hasn't quite started yet. I checked out DreamMoods to see what it all meant. They said:
Mud To see mud in your dream, suggests that you are involved in a messy and sticky situation. It also suggests that some internal cleansing is needed. To dream that you are walking in mud, suggests that you are feeling weighed down by a situation, problem, or relationship. To dream that mud has gotten on your clothing, signifies that your reputation is being attacked and called into question. Consider the term "mud-slinging" to refer to some politicians.
Well... that's for certain. There are a lot of poisonous things that are trying to take effect in my life. I'm trying very hard to keep them on the outside and stay positive and get through what I have to do. Funny that my dad was in it though. Trying to help me out of it... but getting stuck in it himself. Not like him. Not at all.
okay... back to work... there's so much to do. Maybe I'll be back later.
*
Towed
So tonight after work, my baby came to stay with me so I could get a little more work done than I normally would have if I had to stay there with no "transportation" to get home. He showed up at 4:30, patient as can be and between my actual work, numerous phone calls from friends and colleagues and one actual visit from a friend, we finally left out of the office at about 8:00. Only to walk down the street to find that the car was missing. Turns out that it was towed, he owed some tickets on it and it was parked at a meter that was broken / not broken. So I guess when the marshall passed and saw that, they scooped him up. Of course I felt like... if I hadn't stayed so long chatting and working, we would have come back to our Diggy beautifully poised and waiting to be driven. Instead, my baby had a slight breakdown, I had to call the cops, because I was convinced that maybe the car was stolen. He was SURE that it was in that same spot. But as he spoke to the Police as we rode in the back of the squad car, I realized the string of errors that had been made. The car was towed. But, his whole life is in there. When we found out where it had been towed to, we called that location and their reaction to everything was basically "tough... come get it in the morning" I said to him... "Sir.. our house keys are in the car... we have no where to stay" He said "you still have to wait till the morning". I'm realizing that some people are just perpetually evil and have absolutely NO sympathy. In the same token, he might be sitting there on his end thinking... well if cats just paid their bills... we wouldn't have you sleeping in the cold. In any case... we took the train back home, my baby's gonna borrow the family car (since it's not in use anyways) and hopefully be able to reclaim Diggy and all the belongings there in. I feel a little weird though... on two levels. One is that a few weeks ago, when I got a check from one of my projects I specifically asked my baby if he had any tickets outstanding that I could help pay. And he said no. But... this ticket is 6 weeks over due. Then with the actual paying of everything... he never asked me to help. He called his sands and asked him. I'm thinking... maybe a sands that he hasn't known for all that long. But all the help that he took from me was offered. Never asked. I don't exactly know what that means. But I guess it is what it is.
I'm riding the wave today... I'm crampy and tired. I need to get some rest. It's 11:20 and I should have been sleeping for an hour already. *sigh* Tomorrow's gonna be something.
