There is a mental state
I strive to achieve a homeostatic state a humming a lull like those alpha wave tapes they sold in the 60's
I need to hear that in my head all day. Instead of the clanging of my thoughts and the clashing of my
wants versus what I should do need to do and the sad, bright violins from "Sunshine" so melancholy
so consistent that remind me how it is not to have anyone understand
I had another bizzare and GREAT dream last night. I dreamt I was going to someone's house / office before heading to a chapter meeting. But when I got to the house, there were no markings on the house. But somehow I knew that was the house I was looking for. So since I had a kit to affix numbers on housing in my bag (don't we all??) I started to do exactly that. Just affix the numbers on the house so that the next person wouldn't have so much trouble finding this location. (Sounds like something I'd do). I guess I must have overlooked that people might be inside the house and wondering what the hell I was doing. So this man eventually comes out of the house. Tall... slender but not skinny... brown soft looking skin... in a suit. A relaxed brother... not uptight at all. He stands on the steps and looks at me for a time. And then finally cleared his throat and said... "Um... excuse me miss... what are you doing?" And I responded... well... there were no clear markings on your establishment and I could see that it would be very hard for someone to find this location. So I figured I'd mark it with the correct numbers. He said... "You do realize that my colleagues and I are inside wondering if we should call the police." And my response : Well... you shouldn't because I'm not doing anything criminal. He said... "yes you are... you're ruining your pretty nails." And with that ... he took me by the hand and led me to sit next to him, whipped out a nail file from somewhere and began to repair what damage I did do.
He doted on my hands and said... "You're not taking very good care of yourself... umm.... what's your name?" I responded... and he repeated. "Your nails are telling a tale of neglect. You need a good doctor." I said , I would go to a good doctor if I could find one that cared. He said "Well, I'm a doctor." And I said... do you accept PHCS (which is the health care provider that I have). And he casually responded, yeah. We talked and talked fora little while longer and then it was time for me to go. But whatever he was saying to me during the rest of that conversation made me feel like... he's the one. It was that... love at first sight... that staggering OH MY GOD feeling when you see each other. The crossing of destined paths. But all at the same time I felt so comfortable... so at ease... so at home with this person... like a sigh of relief... FINALLY.
He gave me a lift to my chapter meeting... and stayed on because he had a presentation to make. I didn't get the sense that he was greek... maybe moreso a presentation on health. But he stood in the back of the room as I made my daily round as the corresponding sec'y. He would wave to me every so often and flash that amazing smile... it really did light up the room. And all was well with the world....
Something happened and I stopped dreaming... but again... I kept trying to fall back asleep to see if I could capture a few more minutes with this wonderful man. But... to no avail. This dream comes at such an odd time. I'm perfectly happy with my sweetie. There is no need for another. But I haven't felt the way I felt with this man in real life for a long time. I dare say high school.
I was weirded out for a few minutes this morning because I woke up missing him. Very real dream.
I pray that I'm projecting those same feelings for my sweetie into a dream.
