There is a mental state
I strive to achieve a homeostatic state a humming a lull like those alpha wave tapes they sold in the 60's
I need to hear that in my head all day. Instead of the clanging of my thoughts and the clashing of my
wants versus what I should do need to do and the sad, bright violins from "Sunshine" so melancholy
so consistent that remind me how it is not to have anyone understand
I hate them... and it's been intensified by the excessively long ending of the final installment of the Lord of the Rings trilogy: Return of the King. It was good movie along the same lines as the last 2 have beeen. The story was in line with it's past episodes and all that... Just that they kept tricking us about when the movie was truly over. It would fade to black... then continue.... fade to black again... and continue... When the words "The End" finally did come up on the screen... I jumped out of my seat and yelped "YES!" Like it was the best part of the movie. I have such a HUGE headache from being so strained and tense and in anticipation of the climax of the movie. Although I knew the story in my head from all the times I watched the animated special and all the times Dominic recounted the story to me. It was good to see it all in action.
We went on a huge shopping spree... I did finally get him to want some things and pick them up and purchase them. I hope that it felt like a good gift. It felt good being able to give that gift. He looked contented. My sweet baby angel.
I'm going to try to get some sleep. I pray to sleep all the way through the night.
