There is a mental state
I strive to achieve a homeostatic state a humming a lull like those alpha wave tapes they sold in the 60's
I need to hear that in my head all day. Instead of the clanging of my thoughts and the clashing of my
wants versus what I should do need to do and the sad, bright violins from "Sunshine" so melancholy
so consistent that remind me how it is not to have anyone understand
So I did a live moderated chat with B2K today. Honestly before the chat was confirmed on friday night, I had no clue who they were really. I did a little research... and these kids were born in 85.... gosh. I was in the 5th grade. That's a long time after me... 10 - 11 years to be honest. Fortunately, I didn't really start to feel my age... But then it dawned on me... oh... they're kids... it's gonna be so hard to keep them focused. Kelis was focused for 85% of the time... Getting 4 18 / 19 year olds who are famous the world over... not really from the "big city" and are just young and hormonal, to focus for an hour on anything was gonna be a feat. When I did my research, I only really found one of them cute (I may be older but I'm not blind). Raz B had some pretty lips. But everytime I think that to myself I keep hearing that line from Sling Blade / Deliverance "You got a purty mouth" huskily said by a burly man to the next man. *sheesh*
Anyways.. the rest of them looked too... boyish. In any case... they walk in... and I meet Omarion, Lil Fizz and J Boog... I figured that Raz B wasn't around... they were running late so I figured we had to start the chat so I sat down to ask questions. I started to run down what we were supposed to do and in comes Raz B... mr. moves who leans over my chair and is all looking over my shoulder and whispering the answers all close to my ear and stuff... I turn around to introduce myself and he's all "What's up beautiful... nice to meet you." Figures. He's just a big ole flirt. The other kids are just too busy admiring their Rollies and listening to the music on the radio to focus on anything else... and Raz is the one answering all the questions. I thought it was cute till he called me "Ma'am". That was it. I'd had it.
Anyway... listening to them and watching them made me realize that they are really just kids... like other kids out there... with a lot of fame and fortune and maybe talent... I didn't hear them sing. But down at the bottom of it.. it was harder to get them to focus on the chat and MUCH easier to get them to focus on the dart board game behind me and a couple of cartons of Hooters fried chicken wings. And they weren't "smooth"... well... maybe for a 15 or 17 year old... they might be... but they didn't have much in the way of conversation. Just kids. That everyone knows the names of... who constantly have folks telling them what to do and where to go. One of them said "I'd like to go to college if my life permits me...." Dang. How f'd up is that. You would think he'd be able to call the shots.
I got an IM from God today though... KeithD hollered at me today... I haven't spoken to him in AGES and when I do speak to him, it's always on some ole... party promotion sh*t. But he opened up saying happy holidays... and he continued saying that he doesn't know where it's coming from... but God asked him to relay the message that I'm going to be okay and that the situation that I'm facing is in His hands and has been taken care of. All I need to do is stand firm on what I believe in and in His word and my foes will be vanquished and I'll still be standing when the dust clears. That struck me a little crazy... I was just asking God... what to do. HE's always spoken to me. And I've always been able to hear.
