There is a mental state
I strive to achieve a homeostatic state a humming a lull like those alpha wave tapes they sold in the 60's
I need to hear that in my head all day. Instead of the clanging of my thoughts and the clashing of my
wants versus what I should do need to do and the sad, bright violins from "Sunshine" so melancholy
so consistent that remind me how it is not to have anyone understand
They're back. And I've been really quiet. Because I don't know exactly how I feel about it. I felt so worried about them because they were gone and I was lonely. But now that they're back the familiar worry that I always had has set back in. I had forgotten how it felt momentarily. But very good to see and hold them. Although they bring with them news of death and saddness. Uncle Rene has "no hope". The cancer cells have coated EVERY organ, except his heart which is beating strong. The brain is gone, the liver and the pancreas... everything... And his kids won't take him off. And the only thing keeping him alive is the respirator. What an uncomfortably horrible and familiar pain. And so all of our conversations were engrossed in death.
And on to life... my baby and i briefly touched on the subject today. There will have to be a longer discussion soon. But until then... it's the wait until this weekend when we actually test.
I watched another great movie tonight.. "Serendipty" It was truly touching. There was an interesting statement in there. The Greeks never wrote obituaries. Rather upon their death, one question was asked of the person who passed: "Did he have Passion?"
