There is a mental state
I strive to achieve a homeostatic state a humming a lull like those alpha wave tapes they sold in the 60's
I need to hear that in my head all day. Instead of the clanging of my thoughts and the clashing of my
wants versus what I should do need to do and the sad, bright violins from "Sunshine" so melancholy
so consistent that remind me how it is not to have anyone understand
Today has been a blah kind of day. But the highlights so far were me finding out that they fixed my archived links on blogger and when KISS played "Wanna Be Startin Somethin" on the ride home. I was JAMMIN!!!! that's my song! Mamma say mamma sa ma ma koo sa. :)
so I'm getting geared up for change... big change. I think I might take a couple of days off in a week or two to get my life together. I have to realign everything. The world around me is changing and I've stayed the same. Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. So... I have to stop being insane. Maybe if I start to live life for me and do for me, then things will maybe... turn out for the best.... for me ??? THERE'S A thought.
I have to lay out a serious timeline that things have to get done. The first of which... I want to be a homeowner by the time I'm 32. I think that's realistic. All the intermediary steps in between are just the things I have to really lay out.
Must stay focused.
Mom and Dad are really getting old. I'm scared... they're dying and I really can't do anything to stop it. Stupid doctors don't know what they're talking about and honestly don't care, it seems. Slowly everything they used to do is coming to a halt... Dad stopped cooking... now mom stopped cooking... no one cleans anymore... so the house is filthy unless I come to clean. They were having a coughing opera a few minutes ago. I don't know what to do to help them.
I'm gonna wash my hair and see if I can get decent for tomorrow's meeting :)
