There is a mental state
I strive to achieve a homeostatic state a humming a lull like those alpha wave tapes they sold in the 60's
I need to hear that in my head all day. Instead of the clanging of my thoughts and the clashing of my
wants versus what I should do need to do and the sad, bright violins from "Sunshine" so melancholy
so consistent that remind me how it is not to have anyone understand
Your browser doesn't support the EMBED tag, but you can still listen to the music on this page by <a href="http://www.thoughtsdaughter.com/sounds/CleanHeart.wma">clicking here.</a> Today's Soundtrack: Create In Me a Clean Heart - Donnie McClurkin
{This Real Rhapsody thing came in really handy today. Cause I could NOT find the song anywhere else.}
I took a personal health (mental, that is) today and I just cleaned and cleaned and cleaned. And it's amazing what that does. I didn't sleep a wink last night. Tossing and turning about and swearing that something was in the room with me. Honestly, I think it was evil spirits. And they were hell bent on making sure that I didn't rest or feel rested. So this morning at 6... when I had only been asleep for 2 hours... I was in no shape to get up for anything. I called in and slept for a little while longer (although tortured). I woke up, took a shower, had breakfast with mom, got some work clothes on and got busy. And the more clutter I threw in the trash, the better I felt. I just felt like... life was normalizing. I cleaned things I didn't realize had to be cleaned till I opened up those drawers or unpacked that box and saw stuff that I haven't seen in YEARS. It felt GREAT! So I'm looking around now at the lack of clutter... and I can feel that tonight will be a better night's sleep. That I'll just be more rested overall.
My dear friend told me that I should name this effort to keep it fun. Rather, I chose a name that means a lot to me. I want to clean, because I need the energy to flow. Not just because I'm a stickler for cleanliness (Lord knows I'm not). But I want my life to begin moving in a progressive direction and I believe that I can do it. The song playing is the song that the interpretative dance was done to that Sunday when the Spirit grabbed me and shook me. And it's appropo. A clean heart. That's what I want. A clean heart, clean mind, conscious and spirit with which to conquer all my troubles. I've waded in them long enough and made more of a mess. It's time to pick myself up by the bootstraps and change my situation. Only God can do that. Only I can give passage to His works.
Create in me a clean heart... and purify me.
Create in me a clean heart so I may worship thee.
