There is a mental state
I strive to achieve a homeostatic state a humming a lull like those alpha wave tapes they sold in the 60's
I need to hear that in my head all day. Instead of the clanging of my thoughts and the clashing of my
wants versus what I should do need to do and the sad, bright violins from "Sunshine" so melancholy
so consistent that remind me how it is not to have anyone understand
has been for about 42 minutes... and I can't seem to get to sleep. I'm staying up thinking I'm gonna miss something. For the first time in my life... I don't KNOW what to expect this year. Usually I know... that my life will be more of the same... and whatever I do to augment it, will be up to me. And that's that. This year, I'm like... I have no idea what to expect it. I'm vague.. and I don't know if it's because this is the year between me and 30... or if it's because so many other things will determine how the rest of my life goes. So many other people are involved with how things will go down. I feel like this year is going to be SO MUCH change... that I can't even forsee what life will be like.
I'm not sad... i'm happy to be living. I know people have not made it this far. And every day I awake, I know I'm part of the special group that the Lord has chosen to continue on. I will be depending on him more than ever to guide my steps now.
