There is a mental state
I strive to achieve a homeostatic state a humming a lull like those alpha wave tapes they sold in the 60's
I need to hear that in my head all day. Instead of the clanging of my thoughts and the clashing of my
wants versus what I should do need to do and the sad, bright violins from "Sunshine" so melancholy
so consistent that remind me how it is not to have anyone understand
Wooo... yesterday was just a bad day. I really felt a welling up of emotions that I didn't know where they were all coming from. But I know now. And she's right on schedule (for a change). Although a drag... I'm glad it's here.
I saw this pregnant woman walking down the street today on my way to work. I have so much appreciation and respect for women who are pregnant and waddling to work. I don't see it being me. They're beautiful... they just glow. I remember my line sister when we threw the surprise baby shower for her... how she just GLOWED. She was beautiful. I'll have my chance. Just gotta be patient.
I'm reading this book called "Girl, Get Your Money Straight". It's really good so far. I have to sit down and write a letter to Money telling it how I feel about it. (It's one of the exercises in the book. I guess I'll get that done sometime today. Seems pretty revealing. She brings up good points about our esteem and how it ties in to our wealth building (or squandering in most of our cases). So I pray that this will make me turn my situation around.
I have the last session mentoring the girls tonight. I hope that it was a good experience for them. I enjoyed what little we did... I just wanted to be more in there with them... more involved. Someone else sent me about an opportunity to be a mentor in another program. I guess I should first slow down how much crap I'm doing before I get all involved in other things. Learning to say no is a process.
