There is a mental state
I strive to achieve a homeostatic state a humming a lull like those alpha wave tapes they sold in the 60's
I need to hear that in my head all day. Instead of the clanging of my thoughts and the clashing of my
wants versus what I should do need to do and the sad, bright violins from "Sunshine" so melancholy
so consistent that remind me how it is not to have anyone understand
I just cold stopped writing for the weekend. Every night I got in was just so weary and sleepy... I couldn't even think to write a couple of words. There's so much to cover. So I guess this will be a long post
AP's surprise Bday Party I went to my boy AP's birthday party this past Saturday. He never made it to the party while I was there... But it was nice to hang out with folks for the little while that I was there. I couldn't stay past 8:30 cause I had to meet with AM to get to the Party Train. But of course, while I was there I got my fill of family fuzzies. Everyone was there who is just starting a family anew... and their babies are GORGEOUS, PERFECT, PRECIOUS, SWEET and LOVABLE. I just stay committed to praying and hoping that my baby, one day, will be as healthy and in one piece as possible. But... the time came and I had to go. I gotta call AP and find out how it went.
Party Train This was the most excitement I've had in a while. There was a party being thrown on the last car of the Q train this past Saturday. It was amazing. It was PACKED with people, total strangers, but everyone having fun and really enjoying themselves. As did I. When I finish the site, I should have pictures up. Of course, I'm not in any of the pics right now. I'm putting myself on temporary photo probation till I get my act together. We went to an afterparty at a place called Moe's in BK. But it was Moe like... after the dude in the Simpsons. They even served Duff beer. It was cool! ID came and joined me there with her cousin and AM and another sister were hanging with me from the off. I had so much fun! Party Train... WOOOOOOO!!!!!!
African American Day Parade Okay... I'm so torn between thoughts. One thought says to me... I'm NEVER stepping again and I'm NEVER doing the African American Day Parade again. The other thought says... we need to organize this better and have more and fuller representation. But I feel like... if I don't organize it... shit won't happen. I get really tired of having to lead folks by the nostrils... but it's do that ... or my org suffers. And I really love it too much. *sigh*. Anyways, I walked in the parade with my sisters and it was cool. I had a good time sort of. My feet are still sore and my body still aches... but it was okay. My intention was to go spend time with my baby... but.... he was marching with his bros... so I really didn't get to spend time with him at all. But we had dinner afterwards... which was nice. I got to rub on his arm... which is so soft... I love his body.... he's so perfect for me. I'm falling for him all over again... I had a bad blockage of emotions that has started to quicken
EEEEEEK!!!! - I just realized I didn't watch Sex & The City this week... what is WRONG with me???? I'll be back!
Okay... I'm back. Didn't seem to be an episode. Which sucks ass... but I guess I didn't miss it until just now.
Meeting Sophia I met a woman today on the LIRR. She's from Bangladesh and her name is Sophia. Sophia's been through a lot lately... but she's surviving. Talking to her reminded me that I have to stay positive... and no matter what I do, I have to ALWAYS find the good in things and experiences. NO matter HOW bad they seem. Even if it's just to come out on the other side and say "I made it... and I'm still in one piece. I am a survivor." I'll pray for her. She's had it rougher than she's used to. But she's really working hard to make sure that her son has the best.
Dr's Appointment I had my Dr's appt today. My Dr's growing a Mullet. When I asked him why, he said "Well, you know... gotta keep the wife interested." That's funny. A Mullet would turn me off. But whatever. We didn't talk much about anything. I guess we'll talk more when the results from my test come back. He was talking about putting me back on the pill to regulate my cycle. I don't like that idea. I'm a sociopath on the pill. I can't be that way again.
Finishing the Design I'm almost done with my Thought's Daughter design. I'm excited. I have to start putting my poems together and organizing my photos and stuff. I can't wait.
