There is a mental state
I strive to achieve a homeostatic state a humming a lull like those alpha wave tapes they sold in the 60's
I need to hear that in my head all day. Instead of the clanging of my thoughts and the clashing of my
wants versus what I should do need to do and the sad, bright violins from "Sunshine" so melancholy
so consistent that remind me how it is not to have anyone understand
I stayed home sick today. I always wonder if the folks at work really believe me when I call in. Then I ask my self if I really care. I guess if they were so concerned, they'd call. But a co-worker of mine out in LA got fired for lying about his whereabouts on a day that he took off. He said he was at jury duty... but they caught him out there.
I caught up on a LOT of work this weekend. It was painfully quiet with my baby being out of town. So I think I'm current on all my web projects, which is a good feeling. I tinkered with some more stuff today and nearly drove myself insane trying to fix the Archived links on this page. Not like a million people are reading this, but I'm just trying to get it to be right.
So he called today... twice. AND he IMmed me. Which I found to be extraordinary. You mean... he always knew my IM name? Like.... I didn't have to IM him first to get his attention? Wow. The revelations you make when you cut someone off. Oh well. My heart is healing so I don't really feel the hurt anymore.... You broke me but I'm healing... mending my self not concealing... the pain..... I wonder when she's gonna come out with another album.
I've really been getting into techno / ambient music lately. It's soothing. And when I listen to it, my brain empties out and I don't think about anything but my work. It's a pause button to the thinking. I've been looking for the off button all my life. But I'll take this. Best ones so far are the Saint Germain Des Pres Cafe 2 and 3... and the Elemental Chill Series OMG does Amazon own EVERYTHING??? .
I put up a splash page for now on the site till I decide what I want to do with it. I want it to be where I house my poetry... and maybe some pictures. Even though my picture alter ego can reside at conskeeted.com. That's the me that's for everyone. This me is just for some.
No stories from mommy today... she was really tired today and had a low grade fever all day... from 99.4 to 100.2... so I hope that we sleep through the night. I pray that we sleep through the night.
