There is a mental state
I strive to achieve a homeostatic state a humming a lull like those alpha wave tapes they sold in the 60's
I need to hear that in my head all day. Instead of the clanging of my thoughts and the clashing of my
wants versus what I should do need to do and the sad, bright violins from "Sunshine" so melancholy
so consistent that remind me how it is not to have anyone understand
It is now 1:52 PM and I'm stuck in this airport. I really want to go home. I can't stand this. I feel really sick from last night's festivities and my body is wreaking havoc on me. I just spoke with Jean and Shawn and they are on their own agendas (as if I should expect that they'd do otherwise). So all in all, I'm having a pretty shitty day. It started out that way and it is not getting any better. I meant to type a while ago, but I was too busy trying to be Ms. Social Delegate. I swear to GOD, I will NEVER be one of those again. I'm gonna be about the business of AKA from now on. I'm tired of letting the important things squirrel on by in the grand scheme of things. I deserve to be an active part of the decision making processes that dictate my sororities actions.
So I was saying about Vla. We were at the Alpha Party on Thursday (the much awaited Alpha party which turned out really wack). And she and I were standing there just watching the crowd stand around watching people stroll around. And at one point Dan (homeboy that she took home with her on Monday or Sunday or whatever night that was) breezes past her and slaps her on the ass... it was quite embarrassing for both of us. Of course, more so for her. She was really boiling all night. At one point she was actually going to walk over to him and tell him off. But I'm glad she listened when I called her back. I was like... the only one who you'll make a fool of right now, is you. Glad that she listened to me. Wish I had someone to yank me back every so often.
Then last night, as an attempt to bring the pham together one more time before we all went our separate ways, I hosted a SkeePhi Suite... complete with eats and liquor. Well... I sure had my fill of both. At least... from what I could tell in the sink this morning after I hurled everything in my stomach up. So we drank and talked and laughed and parlayed. And Deke was there videotaping us all... and it was pretty cool... until he started to shout me out. He was like, "SKEE had been really catering to the bruhs and the sorors and has been so hospitable...but then again, she didn't attend one meeting." I guess the liquor had already really taken over... first I felt shock... then I just felt ashamed. I wanted to crawl into a little crack in the wall and disappear forever. So I did... I fought my way to the bathroom... Deke was trying to make amends; and I cried. I cried like a damned baby. Cause everyone and anyone who knows me KNOWS I wanted to be registered. So although it was a very innocent commentary, it didn't have innocent ramifications.
